Live Life

Just a quick post tonight.

When I was in the depths of the most difficult place in my life 16 years ago, I wrote - A Lot!  I journaled, I wrote poetry, and I prayed.  I was scared, I didn't know east from west, right from left.  I was walking through a space of life that I had never walked through before - making choices that I knew were not wise but afraid of the choices I would make otherwise.  I guess you could call it the valley of death.

I have long lost the original poem I wrote, but below is the essence of the poem that I was just thinking about tonight.  It changed my life.  I recognized in that time that I needed to Live.  To Live meant not giving up to the fear or the loneliness, that I was walking through but to embrace the space I was in.  At times to Live meant to explore, try new things, and be with others.  At times to Live meant embracing tears with a welcomeness.  The tears meant I was alive - but not to remain there - to move beyond the tears and into the joy of the unknown future.

To Live meant to recognize that God, the creator of the universe, the one who counsels, and gave up His life for me knew my future and although I didn't, I could embrace in His faithfulness, His goodness, and His mercy.  And in the Living, I could step into life without fear and enjoy Living in His creation.

To Live meant that I recognize that I have life and the life I have was meant for a greater purpose than myself.  I could laugh in the face of adversity.  I could stand strong in the face of fear.  I could love in the face of distrust.

In the end, recognizing that to not Live Life was Worse than Death is what brought me back to Life.  It is what brought me out of misery.  And although I didn't have any more answers than before I wrote the poem, I will never forget, that God's gift of poetry to me in that night was to forever Live Life. 

Since that time, Life has become synonymous to God and to Live means to Live for Him but at that time, to Live Life meant to move beyond my pity.  I pray that if you are not Living, you would choose to Live Life - never let a day be wasted.  Adventure is everywhere - whether it is a car accident, a grocery store trip, a cleanse, a video game, or traveling to the remotest place on earth, you can choose Adventure at every turn. 

Live Life

Difficult Decisions and Diseases SUCK!!!

My Amazing 13 Year Old Son
Who Teaches me Faith,
Trust, and Hope!

When you become a parent, you could never imagine the joys, pains, laughter, sorrows, and pride that comes with it.  Tonight, holding my son as he wept hurt my heart to the core. 

Ben has lived without many foods for much of his life do to a condition of his esophagus - eosinophilic esophagitis.  Our entire family is healthier because of all I have had to learn through the course of Ben's life and his needs.

I received a call from the Dr on Friday that was not the news we were hoping for.  Ben's stomach is the major concern as it is swollen and has the same cells that have existed in his esophagus that do not belong there. (his esophagus does look a tad better)

The Dr wants him to continue to live without the foods he currently cannot have but also wants him to live without wheat and egg or swallow a spray steroid twice a day. 

The food elimination list looks like this: dairy, soy, nuts, all legumes (beans, peas, lentils), strawberries, melon, grapes, sesame seeds, carrots and now eggs and wheat.

The idea of going without his favorite foods is painful to his heart but the idea of going on steroids as he is in the midst of his growth spurt is painful too.

For me, I would LOVE to find a holistic way of healing Ben but also do not feel like going against the Dr's advice is even a choice.  Ben's condition is rare and not one that I want to mess with.

To be honest another fear I have is my son getting angry with God for the life he has been given.  My greatest fear is for my children to turn against God and walk in their own paths.  I know the pain I have caused myself by choosing my way instead of His.  The truth is, the fear could cause me to make my own bad choices.  I stand in the truth of Him and know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." (Rom 8:28)

This is the truth I am standing on!

God's got this! Ultimately Ben will be healthier.  

We are grateful for our friends who are walking alongside us through this journey.  


Ben went to his Bible, to the Lord in prayer, and his best friend, Aaron for prayer and wisdom - and then to us with his heart in words and tears.

Ben spoke His fear of how he was going to live life.

My words - one day at a time, one step at a time.  We'll figure it out as we move forward.  We just need to ask for God's wisdom as our wisdom is not enough.


My son teaches me what Faith, Hope, and Love really are!!!